Posts tagged food.
How to make your ramen 9001x better, courtesy of /ck/
QUICK EGG IN UR RAMEN TRICK MY FRIEND TAUGHT ME IN HIGH SCHOOL
pour just enough water into your pot to cover your noodles and other ingredients, then get a small cup/fancy measuring 1 cup cup or w/e and measure out another cuppa watta. dump that shit in too.
make ur ramen. just start boiling and dump whatever you’re supposed to put in in the beginning. u know how to make ramen this isn’t ramen for snot nosed sobbing beginners ok
KEY PART: you know how it says on the back of the package to cook for about 4-5 minutes?? we’re cooking for 5 minutes. wait for your ramen to cook for the first three minutes. stare hungrily if you must. but the EXACT MOMENT 3 minutes hit here’s what you do:
- SCREAM. and then stir your noodles to make sure nothing is sticking to the bottom of the pot. (scream is optional) also make sure your broth is still more or less covering your noodles, if its not add a bit more. it doesn’t matter if some is still sticking up we just don’t want chewy noodles (unless you’re into that) (i’m into that)
- make a lil hole in your noodles. this little hole must have broth in it and nothing more. make it in the middle or the side it honestly doesn’t matter you just need a clear shot to the bottom of the pot
- crack your egg and toss that mother into the hole.
- COVER EGG WITH NOODLES AS QUICK AS YOU CAN
- DON’T. STIR.
- I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU STIR FOR THE REMAINING MINUTE AND A HALF YOU probably won’t ruin anything you’ll just have egg drop soup i guess but IF YOU DON’T STIR
- Congratulations, you have poached an egg in your broth! Your poached egg now tastes like your ramen broth. Revel in your victory.
- no seriously that egg will be mildly chewy deliciousness oh my god if you can perfect this technique you will never have your egg in your ramen another way again
this is as close as you’ll get to ramen made in a restaurant…
get in my belly
ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MY LITTLE SHITS
APPARENTLY NOBODY’S HEARD OF PROPER FUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES SO I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU FUCKS HOW TO MAKE ONE
FIRST STRUT YOUR FINE ASS OVER TO YOUR FREEZY BOX AND GRAB YOURSELF SOME OF THAT SWEET WOMAN OF JESUS AUNT JEMIMA’S WAFFLES AND YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM. IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM THAN JUST GRAB WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU GOT IN THERE. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DAMN ICE CREAM THEN SHIT MAN YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.
IF YOU’RE NOT A WHINY PANSY AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE BEING A HARDCORE MOTHER FUCKER THEN TOSS IN SOME OTHER SHIT YOU LIKE
BUT FOR RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO FOCUS ON ALL YOU PANSIES WHO WANT YOUR ICE CREAM UNTAINTED BY OTHER SUCCULENT TOPPINGS
RIP INTO THAT BOX OF SWEET AUNTIE’S WAFFLES AND FIRMLY GRASP TWO
NO MORE THAN TWO
JUST DON’T DO IT
YOU ARE NOT YET READY FOR THE COLOSSAL CREAM CLUB SUB
ONCE YOU HAVE THOSE TWO LITTLE SHITS IN YOUR HAND THROW THEM ACROSS THE ROOM SO THAT THEY LAND PERFECTLY IN YOUR TOASTER
IF YOUR AIM SUCKS ASS JUST PUT THEM IN GENTLY WHILE TRASH TALKING YOUR TOASTER BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL HARDCORE
WHILE YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR WAFFLES TO BE AS TOASTY AS YOUR CHOICE ASS RUN OUTSIDE AND SMASH A CAR OR SOMETHING
BY THE TIME YOU WASH THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS THOSE DELICIOUS LITTLE SYRUP DISKS SHOULD BE READY FOR ACTION
TOSS THOSE FUCKERS ON A PLATE AND PILE THE CREAMY GOODNESS ON ONE OF THEM
COVER UP THAT SHIT WITH YOUR OTHER WAFFLE AND WHIP OUT THAT BUTTERFLY BLADE YOU KEEP ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE THE THUG LIFE CHOSE YOU
STAB THE BASTARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL IT’S PERFECTLY SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER
NOW FOR YOU SICK FUCKS THAT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE MORE TOPPINGS YOU’RE GOING TO DO THE SAME SHIT THAT I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU TO DO BUT BEFORE YOU PILE ON YOUR ICE CREAM YOU WANT TO LATHER YOUR PEANUT BUTTER/ CHOCOLATE SYRUP/ WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ONTO THE WAFFLE
THEN DUMP OTHER TASTY SHIT ON THERE AS YOU SEE FIT
YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT THAT PART I’M NOT GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS LITTLE SHITLET
AND AFTER THAT JUST GO BACK UP AND READ THE PANSY INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME THING FROM HERE OUT
CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST MADE A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND YOUR PRIZE IS YOU GET TO GO DEVOUR IT LIKE IT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE TASTED SINCE YOUR MOTHER’S BREAST MILK BECAUSE IT DAMN SURE IS
that was so punk i shit myself